Holding Space vs. Sharing Space

 

  

                                                                                 Holding Space vs Sharing Space

                                                                       What does that mean?

                                   Why is the understanding important when communicating with a horse?

     This is one of my absolute favorite topics.  The more I learn and grow the deeper the meaning becomes of these two ways of being.  So let's rewind.  Back in early 2000's I was fortunate enough to spend time with an extremely gifted intuitive.  Not only did I begin to understand better how the body has a natural way of healing and what that meant but I was introduced to understanding energy in a deeper way.  This woman had a huge impact on how I view the world and better yet view myself.  Now fast forward to current day and my continuing education has had a lot of focus on healthy movement and understanding the horse from the inside out.  How can we understand our role of our nervous system when interacting with them.  So now I am learning that science backs up what I learned 20 years ago.  Having the knowledge of how our bodies and our horses bodies deal with challenging situations can be the window to our success with horses.  Without the knowledge of the horse from the inside out it just becomes a guessing game.  Cause and effect.  Sometimes our request result in desirable outcomes and sometimes it doesn't.  At least with deeper knowledge of how they are as a species can help us to know when we are adding to their wellness and longevity or when we are taking away.

     So having studied the horses brain and the differences between horse and human I have found so many similarities as well.  We have a prefrontal cortex that allows us to make up stories etc.  Horses do not.  But we do have the same nervous system.  We know that the sympathetic is more fight/flight and the parasympathetic is rest digest.  Yet it goes way deeper than that and can become quite the rabbit hole.  Sarah Scholte does an excellent job of explaining the poly vagal theory which will explain this deeper if you so choose.  So why am I talking about the nervous system in relation to holding/sharing space?  Because without the science it just won't make as much sense to you.  At least for me it brought the science to what I already knew.  When a horse learns something new good or bad, they need time to process the information.  When we push our horses and don't give them that time we are creating a stressful learning environment which leads to tension and compensation through out the body.  There are a lot of good training techniques out there but technique is only as good as the intention behind it.  Without  the understanding of when we need to simply hold space for another being, anxiousness, worry etc can occur.   Simply because we didn't take the time to recognize when the horse needed to process the information given.  We are no different.  

     Our nervous systems are similar in that we also go to sympathetic when we are worried, anxious, trauma etc but our systems are not designed to stay there.  Horses are the same and domestication alone can cause them to spend too much time in the sympathetic nervous system.  So all of this to say that slowing down and truly listening and observing the horse can give us so much information on what the horse needs from us.   I believe we must meet their needs first, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually before asking anything of them.  Otherwise we are just taking from them.  That can be a fine line when trying to develop your horse and create a partnership at the same time.  Learning to vacillate between the two becomes an art form that we are always trying to improve.  

     Definitions of these two ways of being change for me frequently but for now this is the best I have now.

Sharing Space:-  Simply put, sharing space is bringing the appropriate energy 

                            to your horse.

                           -Grounding yourself before entering space with your horse

-Awareness of your emotions, thoughts and behavior

-Recognizing when your energies collide

-Recognizing your emotional indicators

Holding Space:   - Being a Compassionate Witness, 

                               Facilitate a loving space while another being is experiencing 

                              something.

                            - Taking the observer role

                             -Being respectful and aware

                             -Holding a container of saftey, healing , protection

around another being

-A beautiful, peaceful, neutral space for one while passing

-Allowing a horse to have their moment of processing without

physical touch.

-Being curious about something happening vs reacting 

     When we stop, pause, breath and soften after asking a horse to do something is the time I definitely want to hold space for a horse.  That is their moment to tell us what it meant to them.  No expectations, grounded, becoming a passionate witness as the horse digest the information.  Another opportunity would be when a horse is experiencing sure foot pads.  Surefoot usually will cause a horse to drop into the parasympathetic nervous system and they will become very quiet and seemingly sleeping but they are actually processing the information they are receiving.  This a perfect time to hold space while they are experiencing that.  If we create noise, unnecessary fiddling of the rope, touching,  all can cause the horse to not feel they can go within to process.  Too much stimulus.   We as humans tend to want to fix things when sometimes the best thing we can give another being is to just listen and observe.  Holding space is  the time to pause so not only the horse can reset their nervous system, so can we.

     Sharing space is showing up authentically.   Connection  is bringing the desirable energy to the horse so they will want to connect with us.  "Connection can only occur when we give up the need to control something"

     Really understanding these two ways of interacting has brought me to a much deeper understanding of sharing in a interspecies relationship.  Just when I think I have slowed down enough, I find that there is probably areas that need to be even slower.  One of the ways I like to make sure I have desirable energy is to do a mindful walk with my horse before doing anything.  That allows me to observe my horse's breath, are they rhythmic,  are there any braces.  This also allows them to become acclimated to their environment.  It also allows me to check in with self, am I rhythmic, am I breathing, do I have brace.  If so I breathe into the braced area.  Once we both have found some relaxation and reset our nervous systems,  I find this really sets us up to start a beautiful conversation.

    We are living beings, not living doers.  Horses demand us to be present.  So much can be learned from these beautiful sentient beings if we can slow down, pause, breathe, soften and just observe.  As my dear friend Jillian Kreinbring says, we must fall in love with the process.  To do so awareness becomes key. "Optimize the Journey, Increase your Awareness"MP 

 The first step to awareness is acknowledging awareness!

    I absolutely love being a forever student of the horse.  What I know today could be very different from tomorrow.  Just interacting with these beautiful beings is a tutorial on life.  I will leave you with my favorite quote.

"When we know better, we do better"Maya Angelou

There is always something to learn.

Cheers,

Marie

                                                         Horsemanship Through Mindfulness