Unsolicited Advice

                                                   

                       Interacting with those that don’t align with your philosophy

This is a topic that comes up frequently and I will have to say I have experienced it many times in my journey.  I have had many students share their experiences with this topic.  Sometimes they just want the vocabulary to deal with the situation. They just want to be understood.   As we continue to evolve in our horsemanship journey our vocabulary will become more sophisticated.  In the early stages of learning something new we struggle to find the words to explain to others what we are doing.  I believe until we become consciously competent with something we don’t truly understand .  To understand is to observe, to feel and experience.  Things we thought we understood can have a very different meaning in the beginning, then once we have gained more knowledge on the subject they can have a completely different meaning.  Knowledge is power, when we continuously challenge what we feel to be true we develop better ways to share our experiences.  

To discuss this process, yes it is a process we have to unravel the stages of competence.

Unconscious Incompetence - We don’t know what we don’t know.

Conscious Incompetence- We know what we don’t know.(Very uncomfortable place to be)

Conscious Competence- We know what we know.

Unconscious competence. We respond naturally  (

As we grow, the cycle repeats itself over and over again……..

When we are approached with unsolicited advice,

We first have to stop, breathe, soften and ask ourself.   Is this individual in my arena? Meaning, Do they have a clear understanding of what I am learning and offering to my horse.  Are they aware of the process I am in?    If the person is not like minded in your thoughts on the subject then they will not grasp your process..  We have to be careful how much energy we invest with someone that does not understand what you are doing or what you have been studying.  They can be well intended and very knowledgeable as a horse person but if they don’t know what you have been going through then their unsolicited advice can be frustrating and inappropriate.  Also unless a question is asked we don’t have permission to share our thoughts.    So that takes me back to, is it a question or are they making a statement.  For someone to truly hear you they have to ask questions.  If they are giving you unsolicited advice then they are just making a statement and will most likely not hear what you have to say.

First let me say I don’t believe anyone is trying to give you the wrong advice.  Individuals are only sharing from of place of what they feel they understand.  I believe it is up to us to have a dialog in a way that we show appreciation yet  boundaries.  Example :  “I appreciate your input but I am comfortable with the direction I am heading with our development.”

     I think for me the most important realization of unsolicited advice is that we are robbing the individual of their journey.  Can we stop and ask ourselves, Do I have the knowledge to help this person and did they ask for my advice.  A good student will ask questions and a good teacher will observe and listen.  Let’s go beyond that and say a good student will seek out the individual that is most likely to have the knowledge to help them.  We all want to help when we see someone struggling yet the struggle is part of the process.  When we allow individuals to puzzle solve,  they will most likely retain the information .  Trusting in the process whether you are the one struggling or the one observing is the balance and the way to stay truly present.

     Boundaries are an important key in this equation as well.   There is no clarity without boundaries.  It has taken me a long time to establish healthy boundaries.  The better the boundaries the more clarity in the relationship.  To me boundaries are love.  If we take that thought to our interaction with horses as well as humans, the waters will not be so muddy.  We are all doing the very best we can with the information we have.  As we learn and grow and know better, we do better.  Respecting each individual’s learning process can be difficult sometimes when we just want to help.  It’s a balancing act, one I am challenged by often.  What I know to be true for me currently is that observation is the key, know who you can reach out to for advice, stay true to your boundaries and enjoy the process!

       I believe there is a serious paradigm shift going on in the horse world and interacting with horses goes way beyond training a horse to do specific tasks.  These are beautiful sentient beings and recognizing their needs is paramount to understand them better.  I think I can speak for many when I say I have done a lot of things that did not serve the horse.  That in itself is why I am so passionate about educating myself to the deeper understanding of how horses live and communicate in a domestic environment.  Because domestication is not natural to them it is our responsibility to help them navigate in our world mentality, emotionally, spiritually and physically. To do that we first have to understand them as a species, meet their needs first and understanding what is important to them.  Be a good compassionate witness❤️

     I will close with this thought.  I believe we are all doing the very best we can with the information we have.  The more I observe and listen the more I understand and hear.  The more I establish my boundaries, the more I am understood..There is no end to this journey.  We will never know everything there is to know about the horse human/connection.  That is why, if we let it, the joy, the  satisfaction, the success, the clarity will be in the process!

Cheers, Marie

“Optimize the Journey, Increase your Awareness”. MP