Marigold

                                      Reflections of Mindful Walk

May I be free of conflict & resentment

May I be free of physical danger

May I be free of mental danger

May my body & mind be peaceful

May all beings be well, happy & peaceful

-Venerable Bhikkhu Paññākāra

This writing is a story of exploring my emotions by way of mindfulness. This writing is a story of exploring my perception of mindfulness as it reflects all sentient beings. This writing is a story of my continued growth in learning a deeper understanding of mindfulness from the horse. This is a story of how a group of Buddhist Monks traveling from Texas to DC gave me a visceral experience of what it authentically means to be mindful. Some of you may resonate with my words, yet that is not why I write them. I write because it is my therapy. A way to process my thoughts and feelings of the heart.

Years ago, approximately 2003ish, I met someone pivotal in helping me to see the importance of making Mental, Emotional, Physical & Spiritual growth a priority in my life. Some of us find this very early in life, some find it later. What I feel is important is that it does not matter when; it matters that we do. That rabbit hole that I began in 2003 is continuing and will never end. I am becoming more and more comfortable with impermanence. I am becoming more and more comfortable with vulnerability. Within those early days, I began to explore different ways of healing and how important it is to understand that the body can heal itself. Learning that process takes a lifetime. This lifetime. Being one who enjoys all things horses, I began to try to understand how horses, being Sentient beings, also have the ability to heal themselves. How can we get out of the way of that natural process, and also how can we assist in that natural process. I also began to trust that my intuition was valid and could be an important guide in making important decisions in my life.

By taking on a more mindful approach to life (which at the time had no clue what that meant) I began to see things that I needed to release rather than what I needed to gain. I began to see what was important to me & what I wanted to spend my energy exploring. Relationships came and went. Frustration, anger & resentment became emotions that I struggled to get curious about. Knowing when to let go of something or someone that no longer nourished me created turmoil that caused me to embrace vulnerability as much as I could possibly sit with.

Mindfulness allowed me to see animals ( especially horses) in a completely different way than I had seen them before. I believe I saw this as a young child, but quickly lost it as I felt the need to listen to others who I felt had more knowledge than me. As I sought out help as an adult, I believe I “succeeded” in finding more clarity in interacting with horses. At least that is how it felt at the time. So success began to be measured by how much I was able to achieve with my horse. DOING! The more I achieved (task, maneuver, level), the more “successful” I thought I was. Life became a never-ending hamster wheel, and I never felt worthy enough or competent enough. Not realizing that one of my best teachers of mindfulness & introspection had been standing right in front of me my entire life. Yes, you guessed it, the horse.

I can look back at all of my huge Aha’s in life that came after what seemed to be a point of hitting rock bottom. Moments in my life that physically I felt immobilized, literally like I was in a straitjacket and had no way of figuring out my next step. That moment was always when my next teacher would appear. It came with a series of teachers that took me so far back to the beginning that I felt once again that I am not competent or worthy enough to be teaching anyone. I began to see through these teachers that I needed to bring back what I already knew, Mindfulness, back into my conversations with horses. My biggest teacher, the horse, I now can see more of what they have to share and how we can have a meaningful, fair & rewarding inter-species conversation with them. Can we see them as they are, how they learn, what is important to them, and most of all, what do we need to let go of to allow connection to occur?

One of the first things that really stood out to me was how we as humans are really good at doing but not so good at being. Being able to be present moment by moment without agendas and expectations. By this point, meditation had become an important practice in my life. My view of what meditation can be has evolved, and I began to see the importance of meditation in motion. There were days my meditation would be walking a path in nature and only recognizing what is, with no story attached to it. I still love this type of meditation, as nature assists so much in that energetic exchange. As an energetic being, my responsibility is to be aware of how I am being experienced by others. So that is when I decided to add the mindful walk to my sessions with my horses to see if there would be any benefit for my horses and me. When my mind would drift, I would just return to my breath and feel gratitude in my heart. To say adding this mindful walk is life-changing would grossly be underestimating its effect on me.. Something so simple, yet takes very little time, could be so profound in how it affected me, and especially how it affected the horse, and the changes in every horse were exponential. Words can’t describe the internal joy and gratitude I felt by just walking and being more present with my horse. Preparing for a conversation by first just allowing the breath, rhythm, & softness to become synchronized between two sentient beings. Meditation in motion.

So this became an important practice for me, and I introduced it to my students. Asking them to just think about doing a mindful walk with their horse before really asking anything of them. The horses began to release tension that the owners had not noticed before. The human began to see things within their horse’s posture, gait, and overall presence that they had not noticed before. They were also able to be more present in their own bodies and recognize where they were holding tension, breath, etc. Their awareness grew by just one simple practice. Walking mindfully. Once positive changes occurred, and the human could actually see where the horse was in their body, mind, and spirit, then they could drip in a dialogue that could help in developing a more balanced relationship. Your horse has a sense of feeling seen, heard & gotten! Vacillating between a relational perspective and artful horsemanship is something that I still feel extremely important when interacting with horses. Feels like home, that feeling of warmth and goodness when your heart feels full.

As my dear friend and teacher Jillian Kreinbring has expressed many times, “we have to fall in love with the process.” So yes, I do things more slowly today yet have received so much more. I try to see the world from the horse’s perspective and how I can be someone they want to grow and spend time with. This relationship that we are trying to develop with horses is physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually rewarding in ways we are only scratching the surface of. We will never learn everything we need to know from horses in this lifetime. We are all doing the very best we can to be the best stewards of the horse. For me, right now, in this moment, I am trying to kiss the ground in each mindful step I take.

So you are probably wondering by now, what does this have to do with Buddhist Monks? When I heard of what they were doing by taking a pilgrimage from Texas to Washington DC, I became extremely curious. On foot, some barefoot with only one message. To pass along a sense of peace & loving kindness to all beings. Not trying to convert anybody, just a selfless act of love and authentic peace. Fortunately, with social media, their presence was becoming more and more known. The crowds gradually got bigger and bigger. People were waiting along the roads, ready to experience their beautiful energy and to offer flowers, water, food, and rest when needed. As I saw this bringing individuals together from all walks of life, religions, and races, I felt this overwhelming sense of goodness. The kind of goodness that only true authenticity can bring. We are all feeling so much stress in our world right now to some degree. I became obsessed with watching them each morning and evening via YouTube and Facebook clips. It helped me become more grounded and allowed me to start and end my day with a calm, restful presence. And as I watched, I would begin to shed tears almost uncontrollably, doing so whenever I observed this extraordinary event. Obviously, a release that I so needed. Aloka, the dog that is with them, immediately reminded me of one of my past dogs that touched so many, and yes, I cried some more. Not from a sense of sadness but profound gratitude for what I was experiencing.. I thought I had a small grasp of being more mindful before this experience with the Monks. I was doing my best to incorporate it into my everyday life. The visceral feeling I experienced by observing these Monks (via online, I might add) touched me so deeply. I am still processing what I have experienced and the lessons I have learned about Mindfulness from them. They have layered in more knowledge and understanding that will help my practice grow. I know I am not the only one they have touched, but for me, I will be forever grateful for the experience and, most importantly, the timing of this experience. I am sure, as with all things, we will be processing this for the rest of our lives. Yet another profound level of “Falling in love with the Process” they exhibited every day, with every kissing step of the ground they took. I am grateful beyond words.

May you be well, happy & peaceful!

This is going to be my peaceful day!

“Optimize the Journey, Increase Your Awareness” MP